25.7.08

sooooo.....

i've been trying to post all day and blogger's apparently been down.
so this will have to be short since i have my kids with me now.

1.) we closed on our house(s). sold our current one (which we will be renting from new owner until our new house is built/complete) and bought our lot/new construction. VERY nervous, but equally as excited. all the numbers keep swimming around in my head, though, and i don't like it one bit. will have to get over it. i was just as freaked out when we bought this house, and we survived. right?

2.) izzy ruined my very favorite pink Kate Spade bag....it met its demise with a black ink pen she decided to decorate it with. mea culpa because (a) i wasn't really watching her/paying attention, and (b) i left a pen within her reach. dumb, dumb, dumb. i handled it rather well, considering. and perhaps it's a good excuse to get a new bag. a-hem. my birthday is coming. hint, hint.
;-)

3.) my brother mark has his first trial starting on monday. keep him in your thoughts!

4.) recent nugget of wisdom: running at 5:45 or 6 a.m., even in the midst of the summer, is NOTHING like running at 1 p.m. in the summer. i almost had a stroke today. it was raining when i woke up, so i tabled it until the girls were at grandma's house after the closing. big mistake. HUGE. i could hardly run the last 3/4 of a mile. my face was purple. nearly passed out. will never do that again, have totally learned my lesson. haven't been able to cool down much since, despite a shower.

have a good weekend, everyone!

23.7.08

update

izzy is finally asleep.

sigh.

in other news, we are closing on our house this Friday. i haven't said much about it to anyone because i wasn't sure it was all going to work out. basically, someone is buying our house. we are going to pay him rent until we finish building our new house. once we move out, he will tear this house down and build something else huge and fabulous. his partner is a contractor who will build our new house. we have a lot already picked out. it's ready to go. we have plans we designed with an architect that have been approved by the city. we're good to go. just need to have the closing and get the building permit. nervous. excited. long road ahead. lots of other decisions to be made. it will be rough. i figure if we can stay married through this process, we can survive anything.

the new house will be roughly a mile or so from our current one, but technically in a different city---Fairway, KS.

woohoo!

houston, we have a PROBLEM

one of my girls is boycotting her afternoon nap.
this NEVER happens.
izzy is singing "Ring Around the Rosie" at the top of her little lungs.
and it's interspersed with lyrics from "Itsy Bitsy Spider."

a little while ago she gathered up her blankie and her Nemo and came out of her room, acting like she'd just woken up (only I knew this wasn't the case since I'd been listening to her singing!). i forced her back to her room and she protested. argh. but at least abby's continued to snooze through the racket (so far).

this is the worst possible (or best, depending on how you look at it) day for her to pull a stunt like this. i have a sitter coming tonight because i am going out with my friends and D is golfing. so my guess is the sitter is in for it. but on the flip side, i'm NOT in for it, since i won't be here. but frankly i'm worried for the sitter!

pray for us.

22.7.08

Speak

I just finished watching this movie. Happened upon it while scrolling through Netflix on line a few weeks ago, and since it debuted at the Sundance Film Festival (2004), I figured it might be really good and it sounded interesting. I didn't realize until just now it's based on a book, and I will definitely be reading it.

It moved me beyond words. It is amazing to me how although my teenage years seem so far behind, I can at the same time feel instantly transported to those awkward, awful periods. And while I did not experience the exact things Melinda did, I could still relate and immediately recall the feelings of being shunned, invisible, alone and sad, but for different reasons. Melinda was raped (I was not, obviously). Instead I feel like I was robbed of my innocence on other levels and forced to grow up in a sudden, awful instant when I was only 14.

I wish for my daughters an adolescence unlike my own. I want them to be carefree and happy and outgoing. For many reasons I was none of those things. Sooner or later I have to take responsibility for myself, but conversely I think my dad's revelation couldn't have come at a more complicated time in my life. I had to feel feelings that no one else my age would even begin to comprehend. I had no one to share it with. I was utterly and completely alone. Like Melinda, I confided in a teacher, which ultimately proved to be a mistake because it later became another source of angst for me as people misperceived (i don't think that's a word but i don't care) our relationship. People thought I was sleeping with my writing teacher (and honestly, people, this is ME we're talking about), when in fact nothing could have been further from the truth. Like Melinda, I often ate lunch in my teacher's room for lack of friends to sit with. I don't know what would have happened if I'd tried to reach out more. But I was too scared so I'll never know. It is hard for me to even write this because some of those days are still so raw and fresh in my mind. If I could go back, what would I do differently, or would I even be able to? Would people really see me? Was I too much in my own head? All I wanted was a normal teenage existence. I got a bit of it in random spurts here and there. But mostly when I look back, it makes me sad. And I don't want that for my girls.

My senior year of high school things finally turned around a bit for me. I'm not sure if it came from within or if other people were also starting to grow up. I was also relishing the idea of going away to college and being able to start over where no one knew anything about me, and I could have a blank slate to fill as I wished.

Why do I still think so much about the past? About how I was? About the pile of old journals I can't bear to open that are hiding in an old backpack in my basement....last time I looked back in them and read snippets, I cried. I wrote so much and I wrote all the time. I like to think it helped me through some rough things. I've often thought about burning them. I don't ever want anyone to read/find them. But part of me can't let go or something. I don't write much anymore. Part of it is not having the time, and perhaps the other part is scared of what might come out or how it might sound.

I am me. I am okay. I want to be okay with being me.

I am a little pre-menstrual. sorry.

21.7.08

running

i ran 2 1/2 miles today (tried a new route) and am going to attempt 3 tomorrow. will see how that goes for a while. i was very bad last week....skipped thursday-sunday. thursday mornings dan always leaves the house extra early (by 6:15), so i'm not quite willing to get up that early (he runs first each morning so that by the time i get back home, he can leave for work). friday morning i was planning to go and then it never happened, and then there's the weekend. poor excuses. but hey, if my goal is to do it 5 days a week and i mostly accomplish that, then i'm happy. and anything is better than nothing, which is what i was doing a few months ago-----right?

the girls are finishing up lunch. they were throwing grapes across the table at one another a few minutes ago and i told them if it didn't stop, lunch was over. abby stopped, but izzy did not. took her lunch away and then caved after 5 solid minutes of screaming and gave her a 2nd chance. they are now eating "roast feet" for lunch (roast beef). lol.

we had a great weekend. cirque de soleil (Saltimbanco) was not as good as the others we'd seen, but still was amazing. One of our neighbors got pulled out of the audience for a skit on stage. it was really funny. the girls had a great time with their grandparents and we also took them to the pool both afternoons....it was HOT. 99 yesterday and supposed to be the same today. gross.

i am heading to lawrence tomorrow to take my aunt to lunch in honor of her birthday. otherwise nothing too exciting going on this week.

have i mentioned i'm ready for fall?
 

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