Okay, gird your loins because I have a feeling this post might come off as a little strange to some of you....

We took the girls out to dinner Friday evening with some friends of ours. They have a daughter who is Abby & Izzy's age and a baby boy who is about 3 months old. Such a sweet couple and their kids are just darling. That little boy makes my ovaries ache, and I could almost swear he might be messing with Dan's mind just a tad, too---see, Dan says he doesn't want any more kids-- he says, "We're done." But I kinda feel like he could change his mind eventually.

At any rate, the baby got fussy and needed to eat. Mom donned her nursing/chest-concealing/blanket/wrap/sling thing and tossed baby up under there, all the while talking, laughing and nibbling on crab rangoon. She made it seem so natural & effortless. He hung out there for about ten minutes or so and when my girls asked what the baby was doing, I told them he was taking a nap (did not want to get into that discussion while we're at a restaurant!). I didn't mean to stare, but I was fascinated, as I am each time I witness a woman comfortably nursing her baby.

Nursing did not go well for me. I had two preemies who fell asleep at the wheel, so to speak, and unless I nursed them simultaneously I found that all I did was nurse someone all day long, basically. We have two incredible photos (one of which I debated posting here, but was too shy and not entirely sure it's appropriate even though you can't really see anything) of one of the few times I was able to get them both to latch at the same time for a feeding. It was amazing. Mind you I had 24-hour access to lactation consultants since the girls were in the NICU for three weeks. Preemies are a PAIN when it comes to breastfeeding (both literally and figuratively). With the incessant nursing and constantly having to get one and then the other latched, re-latched, and latched again, I developed severe lesions and breastfeeding became very painful and stressful for me. In the end, I gave up and resorted to pumping and doing bottle feeds.

I felt like a failure. I don't think I would have exclusively breastfed, but it sure would have been nice to have the ability and the option. But by the time the girls were discharged from the NICU and we brought them home, I was so overwhelmed with two little babies who would scream from hunger and get so frustrated with me...pumping and giving them bottles was so much easier. Some people say it's the easy way out. Needless to say the lactation consultants weren't thrilled with me when I told them I wanted to make the switch to bottles. But we did, and 48 hours later the girls were allowed to come home.

Every time I see a mom nursing I just want to cry and go up to her and ask her how she does it and how amazing it is, and does she take it for granted....because it would have been so cool to bond with my babies that way. I often wish for a third child, a singleton, so that I could try again. I'd like to think I could do it if I just had one baby to deal with.

But I'll probably never know.

Rosh Hashanah-inspired Haiku

Made the honey cake
So dry the dog won't eat it.
Should've done box mix.

Time for Tekiah Gedolah
I would have passed out by now
How does he do it???

Dinner prep at two,
Red wine goes in the brisket--
And into my glass.

Round raisin challah!
Bought mine from Great Harvest Bread.
(round challah impaired)

Sneaking into shul
Twenty minutes late in jeans.
So disrespectful.

Apples and honey
Dip deep into the sweetness
of a bright new year!


Halloween--Cast your votes NOW for your favorite ensemble!!!

I'm having SO much trouble deciding which of these costumes would be best for Halloween this year. Thus I'm asking you, my devoted readers, for guidance so that I can make an informed decision. Which one should I stuff myself into, huh? (if you don't know me very well, please trust that this is oozing with sarcasm and I am not considering any of the above ensembles)
I just want to know why most adult costumes are either (a) totally inappropriate (see above) or (b) totally dumb/geeky? I am not crafty like some people (you know who you are!), so making my own costume isn't an option. This year I would like to dress up with the girls. I know I've still got time, but when faced with options like these, I just want to pull on my jeans and call it a day. Every year our country club throws a very fun Halloween party for the kids, and a lot of the adults dress up too. But I never have. So PROJECT HALLOWEEN is officially ON!
Are you dressing up for Halloween? And if so, what will you be?


Just call me....Amazon Woman.

Hubby gets on my case when I refer to myself as "Amazon Woman," but I can't help it. I look at pictures of myself and I look so large. I can't stand it. I don't know that losing any weight would necessarily make me feel any smaller. These are some photos from the wedding we went to last weekend---and exactly the kind of photos I'm talking about. And please note that my stockings were actually a nude color, but they were sort of effervescent or something, so they look kinda bad paired with my black dress and red shoes. Incidentally, I normally would have worn black pumps; but a few of my friends who consider me quite the conservative suggested red would be really fun. Since I've never before bought or owned red shoes, I decided to go out on a limb; I happened to find a reasonably priced pair at Filene's Basement near our hotel in DC. Not sure if I'll ever wear them again, but....anyway, without further adieu.... AMAZON WOMAN with Mindy & Christine! (and as if any clarification was needed, I'm the one on the right)


thinking a lot

I've been thinking a lot lately about writing a book, something I've always wanted to do, but have never really tried to do. Something I don't begin to know how to do. I know it won't be easy, and I also know there's a lot of crap out there---I want this to be good. Really, really good. Anyone can write a book. But it takes a special person to write a kick-ass book. Right?

The book I fantasize about writing is probably much bigger than I and too much to undertake, at least at this point in my life. The book I would actually write is likely a collection of shorter essays (not as daunting, perhaps more doable) and geared towards young adults. I would like to draw from my own experiences, predominantly my dad's coming out and the aftermath for me.

My dad came out of the closet not long after my 15th birthday. It was sudden and unexpected. Shortly thereafter he moved out and my two younger brothers and I continued to live with our mom.

Shortly after dad's revelation I went to Waldenbooks at Lakeside Mall (this was before the days of Barnes & Noble, before the Internet, etc.) and asked the saleswoman for help. I told her I needed to find books on "having a gay parent." She sort of giggled and hesitated, looking at me like I was crazy. Then she led me to the children's section in the back and handed me a copy of "Heather Has Two Mommies," by Leslea Newman. I'm not knocking Leslea Newman or anything, but that book (in case you didn't know) is geared towards 2-5 year olds and is about 30 pages long.

I need to do some research, but I'm not sure there's been a whole lot written since then for kids, and perhaps even less for tweens/teens. I also think it's completely different to be born as the child of a gay couple than it is to be born to a more (for lack of a better word) traditional couple that later disintegrates because one or both decide to come out. Does that make any sense?

How do I get started? If you were going to read a book like this, what would you be interested in hearing? Am I supposed to query publishing companies first to find out if there would be any potential interest in the project, or do I wait until I actually have something substantial before I shop around? I am utterly clueless.

I just keep thinking that surely the world needs a Judy Blume-esque book about having a parent come out of the closet (though I don't presume to equate myself with someone as amazing as Judy Blume!). In this age there are more and more topics kids need to become familiar & more comfortable with.

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