I passed the old, run down Torah Academy with blue siding which is now vacant--my old "marker." Seeing that place every morning on the way to school made my stomach knot up. Because I knew Hell was just around the corner.
I took our girls there yesterday--to my old elementary/high school, Ecole Classique in Metairie. Parking in the white shell lot felt the same; too many pot holes, too uneven. Those bumps were supposed to discourage us highschoolers from driving too fast or doing donuts. The girls and I crossed through the gate holding hands and went inside. It was dark and eerily quiet. If there were any demons lurking, I didn't feel them.
I asked the girls to climb up onto the bleachers, the very same ones I sat on during pep rallies in the early 90s. I'd stomp my feet, clap my hands and shout, hoping our class would win the Spirit Stick. And at the same time always wishing I was one of those girls in the fun blue, white and yellow uniforms making the crowd go crazy.
On my way to meet Elaine of The Miss-Elaineous Life, "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John came on the radio and jolted me. Eons ago, someone told me that song reminded him of me, though I'm not sure why. But I love the lyrics and since they're stuck in my head, they'll be stuck in yous now, too:
Do you have lots of vivid memories? What happens when you go to places that hold so much meaning for you? Someone recently told me people should just concentrate on moving forward and forget about the past. But can you? Can I?
20 comments:
Like the incorporation of your flower into your Fleur de Lis tattoo your past is just as much a part of your present. Things that happened then, shaped you molded you made you who you are. Some things may have hindered you, some may have brought you pain. But as you stand in your now and look back you can see all the blessings that came that you may have missed then. The things that look all pretty in a package are not always that pretty inside. You have learned that true beauty cannot be hindered by the package that contains it. It cannot be dressed up to make look better nor can it be put in tatters and rags ( or hide in corners) and be disguised to those who know what they are looking for..
Your post, as well as the comments from singedwingangel were a lovely way to spend some of my Christmas morning. Thank you. Circumstances led to my spending this day alone (well most of it) so I have a lot of time to think and reflect on things. I went to Atlanta for Thanksgiving, which is where I grew up. I walked down a lane, a ways from my Dad's house, and memories so flooded my head I thought it was bust. I remembered things I'd much rather have forgotten....and some sweet things as well. It was sobering for me, and cleansing in a way. I walked back to the house a little bit different person than when I'd left. I'd explain more but maybe another day. Again, thanks for this post. I think you are a lovely person and enjoy your writing so much.
Terri
It is amazing, isn't it? The things we remember. Sigh. So many small things can just trigger a flood of memories. Thanks for sharing yours with us.
The past makes up parts of who we are today, good or bad. Where would we be without it? Pretty boring, I imagine. While we can't live in the past or dwell in the past, we can't forget it, either. Songs and smells always trigger strong memories for me!
-Ally
Hi Erin, I know we should move forward but sometimes I find myself thinking about the 1980's. That was my decade, the big hair, crazy fashions, new wave and punk rock. And you're right, sometimes just hearing a song from that era and I'm right back there in my mind wondering what happened to the 20 + years since. Time goes by so quickly.
I love that song! I don't think we should dwell in the past but you can't forget or not think about it. It's how you got to now.
Great to see you on your trip down memory lane :)
POwerful memories don't die easily. I think that people who caution against looking backward are afraid to do so themselves. Enjoyed this post (which, incidentally, looks amazing on an iPad!)
A very tough question. I have a hard time leaving the past behind, both the bad and the good.
Well, I live in the house where I grew up, so I would say moving forward isn't really my "thing". Because I pass through my youth daily, it all seems present until, once in a while, I actually look at my old elementary school when I go by and I can't believe how small it is. Or I go down a road I haven't been down in ages and I remember being in my mother's car with the Carpenters forever in the radio. It's weird when things just pop up, especially since I'm here all the time. but every so often I will just get whacked with some vivid memory. Even sometimes in this house. My sisters and I had bedrooms on the 2nd floor but now they are just my sewing room and storage. It looks the same but there's nothing really the same up there. But every once in a while, as I get ready to go up the stairs, I'll picture the old way it looked, as our bedrooms and then remember it's not like that. My memory is very vivid, always like a movie. Part of the reason I'm never bored. I just focus in on the movie playing in my mind and I can be kept busy for hours! I pity people who dont' have vivid memory!
Kimberly posted a nice explanation of music and memory here:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-musical-self/201012/listening-killing-me-softly-reminds-me-my-lifeguarding-days
Sometimes you are just at the right spot and a song will come on the radio and it just blows me away. Takes me right back.
That's a sad thing to say- the advice to leave the past behind. Our past is part of us. That would be like cutting off a leg or something.
I'd love to go back to my elementary school one day but I doubt it will ever happen and it makes me sad. Haven't been there since 3rd grade. Long story. At the end of every year I find myself thinking back on past memories - some good, some bad. They all made me who I am.
Hmmmm.....is that good? ;)
Happy New Year, darlin!
So sorry we missed each other this trip Erin! I know you'll be back & look forward to creating some new memories with you! As far as ones past, I think they're the ingredients that make up who we are and can be positive as long as we focus on the lessons and not the gory details of the bad parts. It's a dangerous place to camp out I think, but experiences, even bad, can be used to help someone else walk through the some darkness.
I used to think I remembered EVERYTHING, like an elephant. Thankfully as I'm getting a bit older, I have forgotten some stuff. I like to think I'm just holding onto the good things.
Your girls look cute in those bleachers. Maybe that can overtake the awkward high school memories!
Love that song.
I sometimes let my mind run down memory lane when I hear certain songs.
Memories are a great thing.
I tend to get so very jolted by songs too- especially seasonally- like if a song I love comes out in the Summer and then I randomly hear it one winter's day, I automatically am back in the warm summer air again.
Happy Almost New Year!
TJ
I think it's certainly fine to reminisce about the past...I feel it makes us appreciate our present so much more, don't you think?
I wouldn't appreciate most of the thing in my life today if it weren't for my past. And sometimes when I'm feeling nostalgic or even the slight bit ungrateful, it helps to reflect on where I've been and how I got to where I am now.
Nothing wrong with that all, my friend!!
Oh how I love that song. It honestly makes me cry, so there must be a memory in there somewhere.
I probably don't allow myself to visit the past enough. Sometimes the memories are just too much. I know, you know.
I get a lot of visceral memories stirred up by smells, or times of the year, visiting old places, etc. It's amazing how we can be transported back in time by just a memory or an emotion.
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