I'll Show You Mine if You Show Me Yours, or, The Crap That Lives In My Purse.

I've seen posts like this all over the Blogosphere lately, so I'm finally jumping on the bandwagon. I wish I remembered where I'd seen them all so I could give credit where credit is due. If you know, please email me so I can edit this to include those bloggers!

Exhibit A:
My Gap handbag I got on sale for $16.99 a few weeks ago. Looks innocent enough, right? Yeah, well, let's just say looks can be deceiving, people.

Exhibit B: This is me. Apparently.

In true Ally Sheedy/Breakfast Club fashion, I dumped all its contents onto the living room floor. Then I took photos of things in small groups. However, please note that not surprisingly, no makeup, fun headbands, or Capn' Crunch cereal were found in my purse.

In no particular order, here is everything that was/is in my bag.

1.) About 22 pieces of UNused Kleenex. Because it would be too easy to keep it in its handy little travel pack.
2.) New package of Heartgard for Monster. I don't accept plastic shopping bags, so sometimes I just stuff things in my purse.
3.) New package of Frontline for Monster. Got 1 vial free. Yay! I never get anything free! Well, I didn't. My dog did.

1.) Bag of almonds for me. Been using same Ziploc for them for entirely too long. Because I'm green. Or just gross, your call.
2.) Animal crackers, one pack per hooligan. Never ever leave home without sustenance for kiddos. And they have to be exactly the same, or it might cause World War III.
3.) Annie's fruity bunnies. The girls' favorite snack. One I can feel sorta good about. Maybe.
4.) Think Thin protein bar. My favorite meal on-the-go.

1.) Envirosax reusable pink bunny shopping bag. Holds up to 44 lbs. of stuff. Always keep one balled up in my purse.
2.) Purple reusable produce bag from Whole Foods. Always keep one in my purse.
3.) Small pack of Hello Kitty wipes. Because my kids had to have 'em & because Hello Kitty rocks.
4.) Pink composition book. For all the stuff I'm not writing or should be writing down.
5.) The Alchemist by Paulo Coelo. Haven't started reading it yet. Never be without reading material.
6.) Box of Altoids. Because I have halitosis. Or diarrhea of the mouth. Or something. I stink.
7.) Boxes of crayons from Nordstrom's Cafe. I think they get thrown away (after use) otherwise, so we bring them home. Like we need more crayons around here.

Misc. papers:
1.) Agenda from my most recent PJ Library Committee meeting with my notes scribbled all over it.
2.) Yellow menu from Great Harvest Bread. Because I absolutely need more carbs in my life.
3.) Black sunglasses case from Ann Taylor Loft.
4.) ASPCA brochure: 101 Things You Didn't Know Could Harm Your Pet. Because I love my doggie (and animals in general) and support the organization.
5.) PJ Library enrollment brochure so I can stalk Jews people while I'm on the go.
6.) Small, white bullet-shaped Natracare tampon. (under the sunglasses case) Because even when I'm in the red, I'm still green. But not like all Christmas-y, because I'm a Jew and we do Hanukkah over here.
7.) Flyer and hand-written notes from a workshop we recently attended where Susan Stiffelman spoke about "Parenting Without Power Struggles." One of my children who shall remain nameless is the reason we attended said conference. Hint: her name begins with "A." But I'm not saying anything more.
8.) Ginormous vet bill receipt for grooming and labs for Monster. But bonus-- a rebate form for the Heartgard! I can get 12 whole dollars back! Woohoo!
9.) Miscellaneous note/list of stuff I need to do but haven't yet. Oy vey.

1.) Pens--six of them. Because somehow, even with that many in my purse, I'm always digging for and unable to find one when I most need it.
2.) Random Hello Kitty band-aid. Because boo boo's happen. A lot. And only something with that god forsaken cat on it Hello Kitty can stop the fake tears.
3.) My regular key chain and my spare car key chain. Because it really makes sense to drive around with my spare key in case I lock myself out of my car.
4.) Contact lens case.
5.) Stupid Sprint cell phone. That doesn't give me any service in my own house.
6.) Small tube of Cetaphil hand lotion.
7.) Small bottle of hand sanitizer.
8.) Box of Shut The Hell Up gum. Just because I liked the box. 12 kinds of awesome, people.
9.) Hobo wallet from my BFF Shelly Kramer. It's da bomb diggity. And she has one just like it.
10.) Misc. hair clips/accessories including Hello Kitty ponytail holder. Because in case it's not obvious, we like that chic. I mean cat.
11.) Old bottle of Cymbalta which is now filled with various vitamins, Advil, and Pepcid for all the heartburn my kids give me.
12.) Plastic witch finger with red nail polish on that I was instructed to hold onto because someone else was too lazy tired busy to hold it herself.

So let's see what's in YOUR bag!


Top 10 Reasons I Can't Leave the House Today. But I'm Not a Hermit, I Swear.

1.) Laundry. Mountains of it. Created predominantly by two hooligans who feel compelled to change outfits multiple times a day to keep up with the latest Target fashions. Then I can't remember what was truly dirty to begin with, and/or I can't find a spot/stain, so I just chuck it all back through the wash again. Izzy pees through her Pull-Up most nights, so I wash sheets a lot thank goodness Abby sleeps in panties and stays dry. Let's not even talk about all the track marks in their princess panties. You moms who think dealing with your kids' poop ends with potty training? I laugh at you. No, see, here's the rub: they can wipe, and they do wipe, but they do not do a good job. Ewww. So I bond with my Method detergent, my eco-friendly stain spray, and my washing machine. It's true love, people. I do so much laundry that I deserve one of these beauties for Hanukkah. And a matching dryer. Not necessarily in red, but you get the idea.

2.) I haven't showered in 3+ days. I used to shower daily, but that was prior to having children. Now showering is a luxury, one I can rarely afford. My options are: (a) shower with little people whining and pounding on the door to tattle at regular intervals; (b) wake up at the ass crack of dawn to shower before the little hags wake up; or (c) shower with them while they point at my va-jay-jay and ask me when they will grow boobies. Anylazy, (d) I'm too tired by the time I corral their little asses into bed at night to shower then. So three days without any soap or shampoo = pretty ripe. Better stay in.

3.) I am too busy cramming Cheez-its in my mouth and washing them down with Honest Tea while watching all the shows I have saved on my DVR, like Brothers & Sisters, Grey's Anatomy, Dexter, Gossip Girl, and Man vs. Food. Me and the couch? We're like in love. Actually, this is just a fantasy of mine.

4.) I had a bikini wax the day before. So there's that initial uncomfortable chafing thing that either no one talks about or only I am privy to. Also there could still be remnants of blue-green wax stubbornly stuck to my lady bits so that mere walking is like a second round of waxing.

5.) I was too busy cleaning the house because The Father Load is hosting a Journal Club tonight with many very important medical people. They come over, eat Oklahoma Joe's, use too many plastic cups and paper plates you have no idea how this irks me and laugh at me when I put our recycling bins on the patio to prompt them to do the right green thing. And then my whole house which was previously clean and smelling like Mrs. Meyers products now reeks like a barbeque joint and stale beer. Gross.

6.) I am still learning the ways of the vegetarian woman. I haven't yet determined the proper ratio of salads and fruit to beans and nuts that won't offend my delicate intestinal tract. When I overdose, my body rebels and leaving the house becomes impossible.


7.) I'm addicted to your blogs. I love reading them. Alas, so many wonderful blogs, so little time. I also love writing blogs. And did I mention reading blogs? I thrive on the connections I'm making with people. I've made so many friends and I've come out of my shell because I've read about you coming out of yours. Thank you. I'm in love with you. You've taught me how to use this noggin of mine that's been dormant for so long. You keep my heart open, my mind sharp, and my body moving. You teach me things every day. THANK YOU for being so delicious that I can't leave my computer all day. Hello, my name is Erin, and I'm addicted to BlogLand.

8.) My children are being such hellions that I am afraid to take them out in public for fear of being shunned. People will look at me and I'll be that mom. You know who I'm talking about--- that yelling, red-faced, screaming banshee who's completely out of control. My shopping cart will be full of bribes like Twinkies, Zhu Zhu pets, Halloween candy, coloring books, pop tarts, and all manner of ridiculous crap. I also might start to imagine something like this is a good solution:


9.) I have this eyebow obsession problem. See, if I don't pluck my caterpillars eyebrows, I might look something like this. And this is being kind, people:

So, I pluck and pluck and pluck (don't tell me to get 'em waxed because I'm incapable of not plucking until the next wax, can't tolerate the strays---I am slightly OCD, remember?). And then I have all these lovely red pock marks between my eyes and my eyebrows and I look scary for a day. So I can't leave the house.

10.) I have absolutely no idea what goes here. But I got nine, so that's good, right?


Wedding Redux, or, My Husband Agrees To Marry Me a Second Time.

Many of you have heard about the fundraiser The Father Load and I participated in last night called The Sasone Wedding.  Sasone is an organization that benefits Jewish children with special needs. Part of the evening included a "wedding," wherein a couple from each synagogue in Kansas City (so seven couples altogether) renewed their vows. Guests made donations to Sasone in lieu of buying the couples gifts. If you'd like to learn more about Sasone, please go here.

In short, it was a lovely evening for a good cause and I have to give a shout out to my Matron of Honor, Anne, and The Father Load's Best Man, David. They both did a great job. David's wife, Tiffany, made sure to take many incriminating photos throughout the night, some of which I will be sharing and the rest will promptly be deleted.

Here's my dress:

David's Bridal $99 special. No lie.

Perhaps it looks prettier on the hanger.

A little something blue from Victoria's Secret from my sweet Matron of Honor, Anne.

A little support for the "girls." Didn't need these last time because I
had falsies sewn into my wedding gown.

Bling from Ann Taylor. My wedding gift to myself.
OPI nail polish = Miso Happy With This Color

A box of treasures my next door neighbor, Jami, brought me to
help me accessorize for the evening! Purses, jewelry,
and a very sweet card!

Sadly, The Father Load has a habit of closing his eyes in many photos.
But here's a back view where you can see my side bun
that I did myself, & the back of my dress.
Pink flower belt in hair by J. Crew.
Oh, and Hubs in his Banana Republic suit.

 Being goofy. Oh, and why didn't anyone tell me about Fashion Tape
before last night? I could've used some. A-hem.
Before the ceremony, standing in front of the chuppah.

My Matron of Honor, Anne, me, The Father Load, & his Best Man, David.
David gave the most touching speech and we were so moved by his beautiful
tribute to us and our girls. Thank you, David! Kudos to David
& Tiffany for spending an evening with a bunch of Jews! LOL

We had our own cake, screened with a photo from our original wedding.
We thought it came out pretty nicely. And it sure tasted good!

I needed a little booze because I had cold feet.
I wasn't sure I could marry The Father Load the first time,
let alone a second time. Sheesh. I kid, I kid!

Just before we walked down the aisle. Cool because in the background
you can see part of the slide show---and the photo is of all of us,
but you can only see The Father Load holding Baby Izzy.
Getting ready to walk down the aisle for the second time.
I don't know how to fix red eye, so shut it.

This is all of us standing under the chuppah during the ceremony.
I know it's dark. I don't know how to fix it. Sue me.

So there you have it, folks. My second Jewish wedding. L'chaim!

I think we need to put the "fun" back into FUNdraisers!
What organizations do you like to support?

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