5.1.11

A Bunch of Wildflowers

I came into my room and it was dark. I saw you standing there, frozen.
Caught by surprise with one of my books open in your hands.
It took me a minute to realize it wasn't just any book, but my journal.
The one Dad bought me from the Smythson Shop on Bond Street in London.
The one with the flowers on the cover and leather tipped corners.

I was the cat and you the mouse:
I leapt to my bookshelves to assess the damage, you scurried out in a blur.

I felt violated in the worst way, unsure of what you'd read;
or what your intentions were.
First I got hot, then cold, then goosebumps and sweat covered me.
I had to get out. Away. My words were stolen, my private thoughts, pieces of me.
Dreams, fears and doubts all splayed out for you to see, to snicker and laugh at.

I threw my journal in my backpack and went to the library.
My steps sent the cockroaches running in droves across the sidewalk.
I shuddered thinking of the ones hovering above me, hidden in the old oak trees.

I chose a desk in the corner by the window and threw my things on the floor.
I opened my journal and re-read the last few pages as waves of nausea washed over me.
Too dangerous to write anymore. Too stupid. Too vulnerable.
What did you see?

When the librarians kicked me out, I trudged home,
Back to the scene of the crime. My deepest thoughts spattered
Like blood all over the walls of my room, the floor...


When I got back you were waiting for me
With a bunch of wildflowers you'd picked.

37 comments:

McGillicutty said...

love the urgency of this... great writing..xx

Nancy C said...

Wow, Erin. Seriously. Such a violation. Clearly it still leaves an impact.

Gorgeous imagery. I love that last line...and all those images of the cockroaches are creepy and sinister and spot on.

Dana Reeves said...

Erin, beautifully written. Poignant, sad, revealing, raw. Thank you for sharing your gifts with the world.

Nicole said...

what raw feeling splashed from your soul! just beautiful!

tsonodablog said...

Haunting, soulful, lovely. In awe of this talented writer.

Heide said...

Oh, lovely.

Veronica said...

The imagery and the emotion behind it mesh so beautifully. Love it.

Ed said...

Reminds me of Emily Dickinson.

Only less rhyme-y and suicide-y.

Megan Matthieson said...

So lovely- the writing Erin! Keep writing and calling yourself a writer and all these things you are meant to say that others find so difficult. xo

DaisyGal said...

Oh my goodness, that was soooo good.
I loved the last line.

WOW!!!

Pamela Hutchins said...

Beautimous. You nailed it.

KLZ said...

Oh, you perfectly captured how terrifying that is.

But...since it is...why are we blogging?

It's a question I can't really answer myself right now.

One Cluttered Brain said...

Stupid librarians...
lol. I liked the imagery too...
i could see everything.
Very cool Erin.
Thanks for sharing!

From Tracie said...

Erin - this is amazing!

I feel it, I see it. There is panic and anger and fear all around.

It is a crime to read words that were not meant for others, feelings someone did not intend to share. A crime like that can not be fixed with wildflowers.

Mindy said...

The panic, the violation, the raw emotions are so real. The length is simply perfect and the photograph a perfect ending.

Amber Page Writes said...

This was gorgeous. Simply gorgeous. Is it a product of your 5:15 writing time?

Kimberly said...

Love. LOVE LOVE this. I could feel the emotions...the panic.
Fantastic!

twelvedaysold said...

Loved this one. There is something so raw in that emotion, if you've ever had your journal read by someone else. I was cleaning out my old journals this weekend and my husband picked them up to read and I just felt so uncomfortable. My thoughts as a teenager were so bleeding and full of soul-searching that it just seems raw to interrupt them like that.

twelvedaysold said...

I meant to say wrong to interrupt them like that, not raw.

MiMi said...

This happened to me. I know exactly the feelings you were experiencing.
And it's what taught me to NEVER write shit down anymore.
Which is weird now that I consider it...cuz I blog now.
Who did that? Was it your brother?

Anne said...

It is such a violating feeling to have one's journal read by others. I recently read some of my teenage diary - I'd just as soon no one read it. Ever. The emotions really come through in your writing.

blueviolet said...

I'm glad that they realized it was a mistake and tried to apologize, but did you forgive?

Andrea (ace1028) said...

Beautiful. Truth or fiction? Not that it matters. It's all coming from YOU and it rocks!

Shelly Kramer said...

*love*

mommylebron said...

You are such an amazing writer, Erin! Not just words on the screen and not just evoking emotions. You give so much depth and complexity and you come across so real.

Marjory said...

Just lovely!

Moonspun said...

Very poignant and powerful and even a lovely photo.

Two Normal Moms said...

My chest felt tight with anxiety when I read that. Great writing. Awful situation!
-Ally

Katy said...

I am in LOVE and hoping this will one day be a chapter in your short story.

Katy said...

That should say book.

Joanna Jenkins said...

I think there's a second part to this story and how it was resolved????

Terrific writing.

Cheers, jj

Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

My mom used to read my diary. Pissed me off to no end!

Jana@anattitudeadjustment said...

Wow, this is beautiful. It's a true story? Because it also seems like it could be a short story.

randomshelly said...

OH I LOVE IT!! :)

elaine said...

That was wonderfully vivid and heartfelt. Those roaches always freaked me out - even more then the bats flying around the belltower did (it took me several years to realize that they weren't nocturnal birds).
- Elaine K

Cathy said...

Wow.

How do you do that? Make me feel so deeply with your words? I so enjoyed it.

Wahzat Gayle said...

Oh my goodness my husband did this to me... and this is how i felt...violated.
ANd no he didn't bring flowers LOL

 

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