Being a Woman, Being a Mom.

Yesterday I read a very personal piece about breastfeeding by the talented KLZ of Taming Insanity.

Her poignant and powerful post stirred up so many things inside of me, particularly my feelings about being a woman and how I define it. How I struggle with it, even now at the age of 34.

Without medical intervention, I can't get pregnant. I don't ovulate because I have PCOS, which you can read about here. I have blogged about our journey several times, most recently here for the Red Dress Club.

What I've been thinking about lately is how my own feelings of femininity are closely tied to my inability to conceive. How being a women at its most basic level means being able to bear children. Carry said children in your womb naturally, effortlessly, beautifully. There is honestly nothing I love more than a pregnant belly--preferably mine, but I'll take yours, too--and I miss mine desperately sometimes. So if I come up to you and ask to feel your belly? Please consider letting me. And then don't worry too much when you see me start to cry.

The times I've felt most feminine, most proud to be a woman? Were undoubtedly when I was pregnant, my belly full of babies, round with potential, an outward sign of my femininity, my power, my prowess:

 18 weeks
 22 weeks
 23 weeks
 28 weeks

front and side views
at 30 weeks!

I know I am so lucky. I consider myself blessed to have my two little miracles, blessed to be a mom. Despite everything we went through, I now have my twin daughters, Abby and Izzy. Nothing can ever take that away. I am a mother.

I am a mother. I am a mother. I am a mother.
I am a woman.
Hear me roar!
If I can do this? I can do anything.

Abby & Izzy's Birth Day, 12/9/05

Where do you think your feelings of femininity come from? Am I just nuts? I'd love to hear your opinions & perspectives on this.


A Cup of Tea, or, A Real Writer

I slowly lift the tea bag up and watch it

     twirl     twirl




Then I wrap the string around it, wringing out the loose drops.

This cup of tea is an illusion.
It claims to be comforting.
I clasp its warmth in my dry hands
And my own stale breath rises to greet me as I
Blow on the hot auburn liquid. Sniffing steam.

Surely a real writer sits in the cold, dark morning sipping hot tea.

Surely a real writer doesn't get caught up staring out of the window
Into the darkness of the snowy morning...instead of writing.

Surely a real writer doesn't think too much.
Surely she isn't scared of the words hitting the page
Making them real.
Making herself real.

Words, memories, dreams piling up
Reconstructing the past
Wishing I hadn't thrown so much away
Wishing I remembered me more.
What I said, wrote, did, how I acted.

Long before this morning's cup of tea.


Do You Want to Be Average?

Image courtesy of Amazon.com

I was first introduced to Chris Guillebeau by Sarah Robinson at her Creating Irresistible Presence conference last fall. Sarah raved about Chris' book, The Art of Non-Conformity, so of course I had to have it (along with a host of others). Today I wanted to share this list of his that inspires me. I hope it does the same for you.

11 Ways To Be Unremarkably Average

1. Accept what people tell you at face value.

2. Don't question authority.

3. Go to college because you're supposed to, not because you want to learn something.

4. Go overseas once or twice in your life, to somewhere safe like England.

5. Don't try to learn another language, everyone else will eventually learn English.

6. Think about starting your own business, but never do it.

7. Think about writing a book, but never do it.

8. Get the largest mortgage you qualify for and spend 30 years paying for it.

9. Sit at a desk 40 hours a week for an average of 10 hours of productive work.

10. Don't stand out or draw attention to yourself.

11. Jump through hoops. Check off boxes.

I don't know about you, but I readily identify with several of these, especially # 7. What do you think? What would you add to this list? Any of these make you cringe? Who wants to join me in my journey to being anything but average? (p.s. you can buy Chris' book here!)

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